A guinea(less) post

I never claimed to be handsome

We got our four guineas last spring. As usual, though I wanted three birds, Tom brought home four. They are really hard to tell apart. I should say they WERE really hard to tell apart, as the largest bird has definitely embraced his inner testosterone. I have named him Himself.

He is a terror.

What was a very peaceful chicken yard has now become a very unhappy place. The other three guineas mostly ignore Himself, but all six chickens are now continuously on alert. There is so much stress in there! I feel awful, because when they could free-range, at least they could run away from that horny dude. I think of those poor female members of that nutjob Mormon sect in Texas, they of the 400 children who need new homes right now before they too become “spiritually married” to the male members of the sect…the only true parallel I can draw is neither my chickens nor those children had a choice. But someone must intervene.

Himself, I bid you adieu. I just hope you taste better than you act.

20 responses to “A guinea(less) post

  1. Our guinneas are a terror (we have 5). The kids won’t go near them after one went after our daughter (because there was a baby right around the corner). We’d love to get rid of them, but the problem is catching them (they free range). I would say the only thing good about them is we do notice a reduction in bugs around our house/property. Hope he tastes good!!

  2. And how will you prepare himself? I love their feathers. Such pretty a pretty pattern.

  3. And he was terrible at laying eggs anyway, so off with his head!
    Happy eatin’.

  4. I have a farming friend who told me in no uncertain terms NOT to get guineas. She said her husband shot them where they roosted at about 5am as they began their machine gun tirade one morning. Funny thing is he asked her first, and she said yes!

  5. Hope you post about how guinea tastes…I’ve always wondered!

  6. Bye, bye Himself. Bon Apetit, El!

  7. I sometimes wish I could grow my own meat to go with my vegetables. But then again, there’s too big a “yuck” factor in getting them from the yard to the table. I like my chicken plucked and packed in plastic

  8. are your eggs fertile as a result of having this horny dude around?

    i too have a v. horny guinea who is locked up with only female chickens and no other guineas. these girls have not seen a rooster since last summer and yet i am seeing some fertile eggs.

    the google tells me that natural mating isn’t likely, but that AI can produce fertile eggs and the rare occurrence of a hatched hybrid.

    but it is hard for me to think that any of my girls are still harboring fertilized ova from last summer!?

    so i was wondering if you ever see them mate or see fertile eggs?

    (ps–i linked you on my blog b/c i stole your blog title for a post!)

  9. My dad experimented with Guineas one spring. Lets just say they didn’t last to see the fall leaves.

  10. : ) we have one of those! ….he has created so much unrest amongst the poor hens. Only he is a rooster who was born here and we raised him in our living room before we introduced him to the flock. The poor hens look like…someone tried to pluck them alive…

    How are the broilers doing? I just got some RIRs and Black Sexlinks.

    Take care –

  11. I’ll loan you a 410.

  12. Kris, as you have learned, guineas are true insectivores, and not opportunistic omnivores like our chickens. They also don’t scratch (much) so they’re good to have around in the garden. I am hoping things get a little quieter without Himself around. It’s too bad yours got aggressive with your kids! Mine have gotten aggressive toward deer and dogs but run from us.

    Meredith: well, I am debating food prep methods. He’s nearly a year old so I would imagine that would make him tough, so I will probably employ a moist method, probably in the dutch oven.

    CC: Eggsactly! Though I will say the three girl guineas have been putting the chickens to shame, egg-wise, with an egg a day. I am swimming in eggs right now. Luckily we like custard.

    Robbyn: Will do. My friend Tim says they’re divine (don’t worry Tim I am saving you some)

    WS: Slippery slope time. Many people like their flowers plucked and wrapped in plastic, too, not wishing to go through the yuck factor of getting them from the yard to the table!

    Rooster: Hi! Glad to hear the lambing season is going well. Who knows, the eggs probably are fertile…I’m pretty good at picking the eggs up so I would think if they were, they don’t get too far along before they become breakfast. I would imagine the guinea eggs were for sure as he has been a busy bee. I know that guinea/chicken crosses are sterile (like mules) and have some health problems. They’re also incredibly ugly with no feathers on their head!

    Michelle: and you can see why! Actually, I don’t hate them. Especially now that the girls are such egg-laying machines.

    WF: Yikes! Exactly. One of my poor hens has only a few tail feathers. Poor baby. The broilers are growing really quickly. I plan on getting them out of their plastic tub today and putting them in the minicoop only because they’re so darned active. Those birds you got are nice and big. And nice, should I say that too?

    Woody! Thanks. My method involves a milk jug, my fish fillet knife, and a pot of hot water.

  13. We were wandering aroung the feed store last weekend and let the kids look at the baby chicks and they had guineas!!! Oh, I was so tempted. Thanks for the reality check!! 🙂

  14. guineas! bah! the last of ours went to auction last week. never again. on a happy note………they all brought between $12 and $16. EACH!

  15. I would like you to post about cooking himself and the taste too.
    I’ve never eaten guinea.
    As my husband came in and said the other day of a “bad” rooster—-I tried to save it I swear but it was bleeding profusely from the carotid artery. Easier than woody’s 410.

  16. Last fall when I picked up stewing hens at my favorite farm we chatted about her guineas. She’d gotten them to sell for meat and as guards; started with 25 and was at 16 – kept losing them to predators. I asked if I could allow my dog out of the car (on leash) for a moment – didn’t work out. The guineas attacked, LOL.

    well – I got him back in the car before they did, but they were definitely closing in on him. What a tough, noisy crowd!

  17. El,
    nothing wrong with eating an hornery/ horny bird. I’ve got one (ugly kid joe’s the name) that’s just about ready to go in the pot as well!

    I did want to take a second to clarify something for the record. The nutjobs in Texas are NOT mormons. They may read the same book and may use part of the same name, but by no means are they the same thing. A jew and a Catholic both accept the first five books of the old testement but are certainly not the same thing.
    What these people are doing is perverting (pun intended) religion to serve their sick desires. I am a Mormon, and I assure you it has long been a major point of contention that we are lumped so commonly together with these people.
    Hope that doesn’t “ruffle any feathers” so to speak, but it needed to be clarified.

    Peace to you,

  18. Angie: Good! You certainly have enough feathered friends now to bother with guineas. Maybe if you had another 40 acres…

    Jayedee: aren’t they cute when they’re little, though, with their little striped heads? They were so petrified though as little keets. There was no taming them.

    Monica: hah! Frankly I never thought it would come to this but then again I never wanted any male birds. Woody’s method would’ve been quick, though, you have to hand it to him…

    Hayden: isn’t that wild? It’s my experience the guineas are all bluster though. Unlike lots of roosters they at least don’t have spurs to back up their threats. They just talk pretty loud.

    P~ I would be pissed off, too, frankly. It’s why I was specific in calling them a sect, and a nutjob sect at that. What these pedophiliac mysogynists practice has nothing to do with any god or the Book of Mormon. The few Mormons of my acquaintance are, like many deeply spiritual people, wonderfully serene and very human folks just living life the way they think is best lived. (I’m doing the same thing, though on most days I am neither serene nor spiritual.) I meant no offense to your religion, surely you know that. And if I were a Mormon, I would be shouting from the rooftops that these cultists are sick bastards. Which is what you’re doing, of course, by perhaps “ruffling” some feathers here. Peace out!

  19. I took no offense El. Would take much more than that to get me going. I just wanted to state it for clarity. When you watch the news and you see people like the woman in Texas saying that she thinks all “those Mormons” should just go back to SLC, you realize just how uninformed many people are. The F-LDS people don’t even live near Salt Lake, in fact many of them are in Northern Arizona. Thanks for the patience with my rant.


    P.S. As one who loves an appropriate use of Latin (A posse ad esse / A mentis ad scriptum), I love the quote at the top. (may have to pirate that one for a “thought of the day”)

  20. P~ I am glad you took no offense as I certainly meant none to Mormons in general. I simply always try to look to my problems in a general news context, and believe me, Himself becoming a horny unreasonable dude and the F-LDS folks just happened to correspond, so I thought it was an…opportunity is all.

    And yes, my own faith of childhood (Roman Catholicism) at least did me the favor of grounding me in some good solid Latin! If I took nothing away from it, I took that. So certainly borrow away, you know. It’s Cicero, from De Oratore.

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